Beautiful
by Luv 2 Write Romance
Summary: Similar backgrounds of rejection and abuse is one of many things these two have in common. Maybe it was that or just chemistry or even fate that brought them together. Regardless of what caused it, love formed. EvraxOC Warning: rating may change
1. No Name

**A/N: In light of recent events, I must ask that if you must leave a review that is inappropriate Please watch your language as some readers on the site are not old enough to hear such language, and I will now leave notes at the beginning of each story from here on out saying if the story has swearing or mature/adult themes.**

**P.S. There is swearing and mature/adult themes in this story.**

"Look at those bruises," a male voice commented.

"Bruises? Just look at the burns." Another voice, once again male.

"You're both oblivious. Look at the cuts and whip marks." The voice was feminine this time. My abuse was apparent that much I knew, especially when it came to each mark they pointed out. However, I had no idea what the appearance of my condition was like now.

"You think she'll live? Do you think she'll be able to fly again?" The second voice once more.

"Can't fly…." I muttered, "Never learned." Even through the fog of awaking from unconsciousness I felt the need to set _that much_ straight.

"She spoke!" I cracked open the eye not on the ground and looked at the three figures hovering over me. I lay there pitifully in a dark alleyway, curled up in a semi-ball next to a brick building, having been thrown off said building the evening before.

"Are you okay?" A yellow/green haired, amber-eyed, green scaled boy asked.

"I've been better." He offered a hand. "Can't get up. Leg's broken."

"I'll carry you," A raven-haired, green/amber eyed boy offered, "We'll be there before you know it."

"Where is 'there'?" I asked, wanting to know before I slipped into unconsciousness, which was creeping up on me once more.

"Where people like us fit in. Cirque Du Freak." So started a slow and complicated romance.

~:~:~

I am lying on a cot, leg in a make-shift cast, salve rubbed on to burned and cut parts of my body. I guess you may be wondering how I got into Cirque Du Freak. Well remember how that one boy asked if I could fly or rather if I would ever be able to again (not that I can as mentioned before)? He was making a reference to the set of bat wings sprouting from my back. I'm the "Bat Girl."

Born, seemingly, normal to a normal family, I grew up in Virginia. When I was four I developed two growths on my back. Doctors deemed it as a bone deformity. I lived with my mom and dad and sister when I was five. Mom was unhappy in her relationship with dad and was leaving with my sister, promising to come back for me only to die in a car accident. "Dad" started going downhill. It didn't help that two months after the crash I sprouted my wings. No, I mean really, I actually grew bat wings over the span of two months. My "bone deformity" was a slowly growing genetic mutation. Just another disappointment in my father's life. And so ensued drinking and resulting abuse. Beatings, burns with an iron, and recently, made to "fly" off a roof for the entertainment of his drunk friends.

Oh! I forgot to mention. My leg's not broken, just twisted a little. They said I'd be back on my feet in about a week. They also said I was lucky and would make a welcome addition to the show if I chose to stay and learned to fly of course.

"Hey! Hungry?" It was the snake boy again.

"Little bit. You gotta name?" I asked as he handed me a plate of stew.

"Evra Von." I stopped mid-bite.

"Von…?"

"Just Von," he said, a mischievous grin spread across his face.

"No one will know that if you keep trailing the end of your last name out like that, but that's a really pretty name. Evra…." He grinned.

"So what's your name?"

"Don't have one."

"No name?"

"Nine years of only being referred to as bitch will do that to you."

"Well you need a name."

"I'll let you know when I think of one. Or if I ever remember my old one." I smiled at him somewhat shyly. I had to admit it, and thought I'd never say it about a boy but, he was beautiful. Scales and all.

"What?" he asked, noticing my staring.

"Don't take it the wrong way, but you're beautiful." He laughed.

"Um… thank you?" he said and I laughed with him.

"She's awake. How's your leg?" A red headed man in a suit walked in. We met when he was helping me into the tent and cast.

"Well. Forgive me, but I don't believe I know your name, sir."

"Crepsley. Larten Crepsley. And you are?"

"Nameless as of the moment."

"Evra!" That's the raven-haired boy from before, "Come help me with the chores, slacker!" He said in a joking manner.

"That's Darren," Evra said to me, "Don't call me a slacker, Darren, I'm beautiful." He winked at me and I laughed.

"Bye," Evra said to me waving and walking away. Mr. Crepsley turned to me.

"Nameless?"

"No one's called me by my real name in years. I've had pet names and insults, but that's all."

"Hmmm…" I merely shrugged.

"I'll let you know when I have one."

"Very well," he turned to go.

"Hey, before you go, do you know any girls who can help me? I have to use the bathroom."

"I'll send someone. Good evening."

"Thank you." He left with a grand sweep of the curtain's flap, and I peered out to the campfire with many unique looking people around it, laughing and talking and eating. I waited about two minutes before two girls walked into the tent, one with a relaxed posture, a friendly smile, an inviting demeanor, brown hair, brown eyes, and a monkey tail that dragged along the ground and the other girl was the opposite. She stood about three inches taller than me – me standing at about 5' 6'' maybe – and walked like a queen. You knew she thought better of herself than of anyone else just by the slight pout of her lips, gleam of her eyes and upturn of her nose, someone who clearly thought her beauty knew no bounds. Her straight, brown hair fell just below her chin, her hands were on her hips, her skin was tan and freckled across her the bridge of her nose, and her thickly lashed, green eyes were assessing me. She glanced at me, looked disturbed, and then disinterested. I noticed something else about this beautiful girl. She had abnormally large, oddly shaped ears.

"Hi, I'm Rebecca and this is Merla," Girl 1 introduced.

"Mr. Crepsley said you needed help with something?"

"It's nice to meet you. I don't have a name, not yet. I need help getting to the bathroom."

"No name? No one gave you a name?" Rebecca said, her tone stuck between shocked and interested.

"I'm sure they did, but no one's called me by my name in years."

"Oh. Well let's get you to the bathroom. Merla help me out, please."

"No." Her tone was final. It became clear that she rarely did anything she didn't want to do and was quick to fuss, rant, or tantrum when met with an argument.

"No?"

"No." And she left, leaving Rebecca and I dumbfounded.

"Bitch," Rebecca mumbled, "Don't mind Merla, and, yes, she is usually like this: snobby, mean, and lazy."

"Don't worry about it. 'Cuz I sure won't."

"Yeah. Every family's got one, right?" We chuckled at her attempt at humor.

We walked/hobbled, a group of people sitting around the campfire, and I heard gasps of amazement, maybe at the fact I had wings or maybe their size. Furled, my wings' "thumbs" reached a few inches over my shoulder and the tips reached my butt. My wing span from tip to tip had to be at least thirteen feet. Or maybe it was my hair, reaching to my knees.

"That's the girl with no name I was telling you about. I don't think it's true though. I mean, who forgets their own name? She's lying." Merla's voice rang in my sensitive ears. Then Evra's did.

"Maybe she wasn't given one. I wasn't."


	2. Beautiful

When I woke up the next morning, I woke up to the red and yellow fabric of the tent I currently resided in and the sounds of hustle and bustle outside – mostly the scratch of grass under feet as I watched silhouettes carrying presumably heavy boxes to and fro and idle chatter – and the sound the flap of the tent door as Evra and Rebecca walked carrying three plates of food, two for them one for me. I sat up as Evra plopped down next to me a smile present on his face as well as Rebecca's.

"Mornin'!" He greeted.

"Good Morning. You're happy."

"Don't get used to it," Rebecca started, "He's usually tired. He _never_ gets enough sleep."

"Evra?"

"Mm?" He said, mouth full.

"Where'd you get your name?" He swallowed. Evra launched into the story of being orphaned at birth, locked in a glass case at a traveling circus, and, there meeting a little boy who had named him Evra Von. Evra had been the first named him Evra Von. Evra had been the first person to ask, "Von what?" and get "Just Von."

"Did you ever see that little boy again?" I asked, our breakfast long gone.

"No, sadly, but I'll never forget him."

"The first girl to be nice to _me_ was in my kindergarten class. What about you?"

"Me?" I started, the story of it popping into my head long before she asked the question. "His name was Johnny. I was 13 and he was 16. I was already hooked not just by the fact that there was someone in the world who thought me being part flying mammal was cool but an older, cooler guy liked that I was part bat. It may have just been infatuation but I'd swear I was in love. He made me forget I was different. But… then he… he was shot." I bit my lip. They looked at me sadly. I didn't cry. I wouldn't cry. Because I _never_ cried.

"Are you-"

"I'm fine," I cut Rebecca off, smiling lightly.

"Well then Evra and I should be getting to work."

"I wish I could help."

"Trust me. It's no fun," Evra said, getting up and smiling.

"As opposed to sitting in a tent all day waiting for something to happen?"

"Good point," Evra stated, putting his elbow in one palm while stroking his chin with his other hand, "I could bring my snakes by later." He had a mischievous look on his face, a smirk playing across his lips, his eyes narrowed slightly, emphasizing his snake-like, amber eyes, and one eyebrow raised. His expression looked like he was making a challenge.

"Alright," I agreed. "I like snakes," I added lowly.

"then you'll _love_ mine," he said equally low. I laughed when he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"You're sick!" He laughed with me.

"I'll see you later," he laughed and left with Rebecca.

"Bye, Evra," I said, still laughing, "Bye Rebecca."

Evra returned that afternoon as promised with more than I'd bargained for. The snake was huge, and its jaws wouldn't even stretch huge! He also brought a corn snake and small garter snake. I watched the big one slither around with a wary eye all the while letting the garter slither up my arm, across my shoulders and down the other arm, reaching the end of my left hand and lifting its tiny head and flicking its tongue out.

"Wanna see something cool?" Evra asked after a few moments of me silently observing the snakes.

"What your snakes aren't cool now?"

"What? No, my snakes are awesome! But what about this?" He stuck his tongue out. It was forked and snake-like and way longer than any human tongue and about as long as mine – mine may have been a few centimeters shorter.

"That _is_ cool, but my tongue is too." My tongue wasn't forked, just long, but it surprised him regardless. "Some bats have the longest tongues in the mammalian phylum. Do you have a multi-diet?" I asked putting air quotes around multi-diet.

"What's that?"

"It's when you can eat human food as well whatever food an animal – in your case, a snake – eats.

"Yeah, small rodents and insects. I usually eat regular food, but rodents to satisfy my snake-like needs."

"I eat everything."

"Have you picked a name yet?"

"No, not yet. How old are you?"

"Fifteen. Sixteen in a few weeks. You?"

"Fifteen… and three-fourths." Silence – other than the hiss of snakes.

"Am I still pretty?" Evra asked, his lips curling upward slightly in a smirk.

"Gorgeous," I laughed out. "Will you help me think of a name, Evra?"

"Sure. What do you love?"

"Singing, music, animals, books, reading, bats, snakes, food, exotic places."

"What exotic places have you been?"

"None that exist. I had a book full of them. I wanted to travel. I had my life planned out, sing and travel, retire and be a vet, but life sort of took an unexpected turn when I turned five."

"I never planned my life. It was decided form me, but it worked out for the better." There was more silence, and I continued to look at him in interest while he looked back.

"Can I?" I reached out to touch his shoulder. He nodded and smiled lightly. I gently grazed my fingertips over the scales and pressed more firmly when he didn't flinch. They were smooth. I gently ran my fingers down his arm until I reached his hand. I picked up his hand and examined it. Scales on the back, skin – green skin but skin nevertheless – on the front.

"That's cool," I breathed. He chuckled.

"Can _I_?" he asked gesturing to my wings.

"Sure." I turned slightly so it was easier for him. I assessed his reaction as I felt him run his fingers along the thin, stretchy skin between my bones and gasped slightly as squeezed a joint.

"Sorry," he said quickly.

"No, no," I soothed, "It felt good. Those joints are stiff and hurt from no use."

"Maybe this'll help." He began to massage my joints, and I bit my lip to keep from moaning. A joint popped where the stalk of my wing and back met, and I shuddered and let out a small moan. I held back a whine of protest when he took his hands away. My wings slumped down, as I could finally move them without painfully cracking.

"Thanks, Gorgeous." He laughed, a sound that I admit I've come to enjoy.

"I know your name," he said. I leaned in.

"What is it?" I asked lowly, secretively.

"Beautiful."

"Cuz I call you pretty?"

"Well, yeah…, but you're pretty too."

"Lie to me," I said, unhappy with compliments."

"I used to feel that way," he said, brushing some of my thigh-length hair away from my face before running the fingertips of his hand over the brown skin of my cheek.


	3. False Sparks

"You almost had it that time," Darren encouraged. I was on the ground. It had been a month. Summer was starting to set in, and I was learning to land, flying mastered. I stayed on the ground, squinting up at the sun before someone, the object of my (secret) affections loomed over me, smiling down and offering me a hand. I, proud and stubborn, denied it, shaking my head but smiling back. Evra retracted his hand, shrugged and lay near me. Head to head. His mess of slightly-below-the-shoulder length hair meshing into mine which sprawled wildly in brown and black rivers shining like obsidian in the sunlight – my pride and joy.

"C'mon, Ti, one more try," Darren pushed. Ti was short for Beautiful. Though Evra was joking? Well he wasn't. Only Evra called me Beautiful rather that Ti or Bea. With slight difficulty I rolled over onto my stomach, and he followed suit, that mesh of black-brown and green hair drooping into our eyes. I smiled, he smiled back. Simultaneously, we brushed the hair from each other's faces.

"Get a haircut, hippie," I said, jokingly, and he grinned. We supported ourselves on our elbows. He brushed a single strand of hair he had missed out of my face and behind my ear before trailing his knuckles along my jaw line and cupping my cheek in his hand. My hear did that "crazy" thing again like it was on meth or something. And he then got that look. It actually made me think he was interested in me, but then there was something – as always – to remind me of otherwise, whether it was that little voice in the back of my head or –

"Evra!" Merla. Merla was the object of Evra's affections. In a second, Evra was up, and I took my usual roll in these scenes – in my head at least – which was in the background. This time, playing the role of the dirt I was laying in, which pretty summed up how I felt. They kissed. Upsetting as it was, I took a small sliver of pride and happiness knowing that I, at least, had been Evra's first kiss. He'd come to me nervous and inexperienced while I, having learned everything from Johnny – even fooling around a bit, never going past third base to anything more sex induced than a dirty joke – had plenty of experience. I told him to go on instinct, and if they used tongue to go through the alphabet.

"Huh?" he'd replied. I stuck out my tongue and began to draw letters in the air all the while naming them as best I could.

"Can I try?" he asked. I said sure, not realizing quite what he meant – drawing letters in the air? But then he grabbed my chin with his thumb and pointer finger, and next thing I knew he was kissing me. His tongue, the tip, slid over my bottom lip and I allowed him entrance to my mouth. Something as simple as a regular kiss became intimate as our tongues wrestled for dominance and the passionate as his hand moved to the back of my neck and my fingers entangled themselves in his hair as we tried to get closer, bodies already so flush against each other. Finally, we parted, breathless and not quite sure what had just happened.

"I think you've got the hang of it," I'd breathed.

I'd be lying if I said I never thought about that moment anymore or if I wondered if he'd felt anything. Anything at all. Now, watching as they laced their fingers and walked away, Merla briefly tossing me a smug look and Evra waving and smiling and me looking on pathetically, did Rebecca trudge up to Darren and me, having a brief stare-off with Merla as they passed each other. She shook her head and I saw her muttering to herself, only when she was close enough did I catch words like, lazy, bitch, work, and tough. The volume of her voice increased and decreased as she put more emphasis behind certain words.

"What'd she do?" I asked, explanation of whom I was referring to unnecessary.

"I had to do _all_ her chores. _Again_!" She huffed and dropped down next to me.

"Someone like _her_ doesn't deserve someone as nice and sweet as Evra." Rebecca looked at me. She seemed conflicted to tell me something.

"He likes you, but he doesn't know it yet. He likes Merla cause she's pretty and nice to him. If he knew what a bitch she was he wouldn't be dating her and instead would be drooling over you. I know you like him."

"What else?"

"Someone, a new comer, was asking for you. I have a pretty good idea of who it is but he's changed. He doesn't look to much like you described, but still similar."

"Who is it?"

"C'mon. Darren come meet the new guy."

"Kay."

~:~:~

I opened my mouth then closed it. He practically tackled me as he threw his arms around me in an all-too-familiar bear hug and the also all-too-familiar scent – woodsy, kind of like pine – filled my nose. He _did_ look different. It was truly no wonder how he was in the Cirque. He looked like a tiger – I mean _really_.

"I thought I'd never see you again," he said, while I stood there dumbly, numbly as everyone else watched the exchange with interest. Slowly, I put my shaking hands on his shoulders and held him at arm's length and his hands rested on my hips.

"I missed you, Sparky." He pulled my hips to his, my hands instinctively resting on his chest – as was a familiar pattern when it came to Johnny – as he kissed me. Our mouths danced a familiar dance.

"Wait. Back up. Who're you?" Merla interrupted. Evra beside her, but we kept at it. Finally, he pulled away and pressed my head to his chest – I was a head shorter than him, not that I was that tall to begin with – and looked at Merla.

"The name's Johnny." I pulled my head back to look up at him.

"I thought… My dad said he shot you," I said.

"In the leg. He said he killed you, but I didn't believe him."

"He left me there for dead. He pushed me off the roof of a building. I… I missed you." He touched me slightly below my ear and trailed it down the side of my neck, making me shudder slightly. He knew almost all my weak spots.

"So her name's Sparky?" Merla asked with a snicker.

"No, I just call her that cause… Well because." He gave a smirk and pulled me closer. Merla's jaw dropped. "I'm just kidding," he laughed, "She's fiery, feisty. _That's_ why I call her Sparky."

"So, are you two, like, dating?" Merla asked. Johnny and I laughed.

"Commitment is weakness. If you're not involved you can't get hurt. That's my philosophy," he stated proudly.

Later that evening while Rebecca was out – probably with Darren – Evra confronted me about Johnny.

"Beautiful." I jumped, not expecting company, much less Evra.

"Yeah?"

"You don't really believe that do you? What Johnny said about commitment?"

"Honestly? I think involvement doesn't have anything to do with being hurt."

"If he's so un-committed, then why does he seem so attached to you? No offense."

"None taken, and I guess you could say I'm his favorite… project."

"Project?"

"He wants my virginity."

"So you two have never…?" If he could have blushed I'm sure he would've been.

"Had sex? No. I loved him, but I just couldn't."

"Lov_ed_?"

"Loved. Love. I don't know yet."

"What do yo mean?"

"It's been a while, Evra. I have feelings for someone else too."

"I bet whoever he is, he's better for you that Johnny."

"He might be."

"Maybe he likes you."

"He doesn't."

"Oh. … Who is he? He's lucky."

"I haven't seen you much lately."

"I've been with Merla. You saw me this morning, and you still haven't told me who you like."

"I'm not telling," I said, thankful blushes weren't apparent in brown skin. Silence.

"I just don't want you to get hurt," he said, "I care about you too much.

"Friends with benefits aren't that bad. It's kind of like that day we kissed."

"My first kiss."

"Mm-hm. We did things without the hook up. No hook up, no break up."

"That's no way to live." He got close to me and brushed the hair out of my face. Placing a hand on the small of my back and one behind my neck he pulled me in and kissed me. My heart went crazy, my eyes closed, and I kissed back. Before I knew it he pulled away and took a step back. My heart was still freaking out. Could this be it? Is he crazy about me like I am for him?

"What if I told you that meant nothing?"

"Did it?" I was hurt, but proud as ever, I wouldn't admit it. He sighed then smiled slightly.

"Sometimes I forget how tough – and stubborn – you can be. Maybe I'm worrying too much." I smiled. I'd just managed to dodge two bullets.

"I'll be careful," I said.

"Goodnight, Beautiful." He kissed my forehead and left.

"Goodnight, Evra."


	4. Fooling and Foolishness

"He's confusing and stubborn and has these mixed emotions or enjoys mixing my emotions up and –"

"He's perfect for, he gets you, he's kind, sweet, and considerate, and you're completely head over heels for him. You can rant all you want, Bea, but either way you're in L-O-V-E love," Rebecca interrupted my rant.

"I don't know what that word means anymore." It wasn't a total lie. I was more than sure that I was in love with Evra, but that didn't explain the attraction I felt for Johnny. A simple feeling of lust couldn't have possibly been it because I still refused (constantly) to sleep with him. And yet I clung to him like a life raft while watching my ship sail off without me with no clue I had even left. Like Johnny was my only hope. " And what do you mean 'either way'?"

"I know, _for a fact_, that you and Johnny have been fooling around. You'll mess around and end up getting hurt. No amount of Johnny will satisfy any need of Evra." The words hung in the air like a dead fish. Obvious and unpleasant.

"Johnny won't hurt me," I said, fully aware that I sounded and felt unsure.

"But he will. He's not committed to anything or _anyone_, including you."

"He just doesn't want to be hurt. Besides how do you know he'll hurt me?"

"No, he just wants to fool around. And with any girl that shows him the slightest sign of being interested. You know that means Merla is perfect for him. No attachments or commitments. And if you have to wonder if someone will commit to you and not hurt you despite all the obvious signs he will then he's gonna hurt you!"

"I'd bet he'd commit to me." A _bet_ didn't sound very sure, and I was aware of what a lousy job I was doing trying to sell myself on this.

"He won't Bea." I wish I had Rebecca's confidence, but maybe I didn't because she was standing firm on a solid answer where as I was trying keep my grip on an uneasy, could go either way maybe.

"He might…."

"He _won't_." I looked down at my feet and fiddled with the edges of my top. Rebecca sighed.

"Bea." I didn't look up. "Beautiful." I looked at her. I didn't want to believe those things about Johnny – even less about him and Merla – but somehow I knew that there was a 5% chance Johnny would commit to me. And that was a pretty big percentage, considering any other girls' chances. I was, after all, his favorite.

"I know."

"Stop fooling."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm in too deep. I'm already prepared for Hell. Pray for me?" I smiled slightly.

"You're gonna need it." She smiled back. The fish was gone, but for me the smell still lingered faintly with the thought that I could very well be in over my head. But I wasn't about to go down without a fight.

~:~:~

It was a habit. Even a year (and three-fourths) without going through such a routine hadn't broken the familiar feeling and behavior of fooling around, something Johnny said was the art of getting laid, but in my particular case _almost_ getting laid. I still refused to sleep with him.

We were behind a large tent, maybe 30 or 40 minutes before the show. My arms were wrapped tightly around his neck while we kissed. He effectively wrestled me on to my back on the ground, pinning my arms above my head, and effectively making his way in between my legs. I knew we had to stop. I lifted my chin and our kiss became sloppy as he trailed it down my neck.

"Johnny," I gasped, "Stop." He only became rougher.

"Stop!" More force behind my voice this time. The tiger part of Johnny had not only changed him physically but apparently mentally as well. He was stronger and more muscular. His skin was orange on his back and faded to the normal, white on his hands and chest. He had a tigers tail and ears and claws and fangs. He had a feral and wild air about him and a low growl that escaped his mouth confirmed my panicked thoughts that he had succumb to his tiger's mentality. I remember having to satisfy certain urges of several bat-like characteristics just to keep my humanity in check.

He began to bite my shoulder, breaking the skin. He continued to bite upwards, and if he reached my neck, he could very well kill me. Using my wings I flipped us over and broke from him, backing up, scooting myself across the ground before turning over and trying to crawl before I could effectively push myself from the ground and break into a run. I never got that chance as he had pounced on me pinning me on the ground again. Using pure adrenaline, I pushed us both off the ground, but he clung to me. I began to fly a few feet from the ground, flapping frantically to get him to let go while his claws sunk into my leg. He finally let go and landed on his feet (how cliché) before I landed near him, struggling to stand. He still looked wild, a feral look in his eye and blood on his lips and dribbling down his chin. Slowly, his eyes returned to normal, slit and amber and cat-like to the original green.

"Sorry. I- I don't know what happened. I didn't mean to," he said, getting up, dusting himself off, and smiling as if it were nothing. I nodded.

"I should go," I managed.

"You sure you don't wanna try again?" he asked. Was he serious? He could've killed, and all he wanted to do was convince me to have sex with him!

"Maybe next time," I said, walking away, in shock and not really sure why I said there would even be a next time. I walked into my tent and began searching through the racks for a shirt that tied around the neck and waist – due to the fact my wings kept me from wearing regular shirts – and a cloth to stop the bleeding. Maybe starting with the latter would be best.

"Oh my god. What happened?" Rebecca all but screeched as she entered the tent, trailed by Darren.

"It's nothing."

" Gashes, bleeding gashes no less, are not just nothing. You look like you've been mauled by a bear," Darren countered.

"Or a tiger," Rebecca muttered.

"I'll go get some wash cloths and water." When Rebecca was sure Darren was out of ear shot, she started in on me.

"It was Johnny wasn't it?" she accused. Trying to lie to Rebecca was like trying to land on the sun, doomed to fail.

"He didn't mean to," I blurted. Smooth.

"Why? Why? Do you put up with him? Whether it was an accident or not, he hurt you. Even if his womanizer ways don't hurt you emotionally. If he can't control himself, he'll end up hurting physically, and if this is what happens when he snaps out of it then what's gonna happen when he can't snap out of it next time. He'll be locked up like the wolfman and you may very well be dead."

"He just needs to control his tiger instincts. You don't think any of us haven't had trouble controlling certain urges. I go stir crazy if I don't drink a monthly ration of blood and fruit – not necessarily together."

"But that doesn't tell my why you put up with him." Darren returned, Evra and Merla in tow, with a few rags and some warm water and bandages.

"Answer the question, Bea," Rebecca demanded. There was only one possible lie that stood a genuine chance of throwing her off of the real reason I put up with Johnny.

"I- Because I feel really strongly about him."

"How?" She was persistent.

"I can't quite say." I was on the verge of breaking down because I knew now that I was lying. I didn't feel strongly about him, but I wasn't going to wait for Evra. That ship had sailed and left me at sea.

"Try." So I said the way Evra made me feel.

"I feel… happy. My heart does this crazy thing, like he stirs up something in me that no one else can. I don't feel different, like I'm not a bat-girl, just an ordinary – and yet at the same time extraordinary – girl. I think maybe I love him. I can teach him to control the urges he as tiger faces."

"But you love –" Rebecca caught herself. "Never mind. But what about the _other_ guy you liked?"

"Rebecca," I said sternly at my wits' end, "I am _not_ waiting for a lost cause."

"Ironically." She was referring to Johnny as another lost cause I was waiting on and under all of their gazes I felt vulnerable and wondered if it just would've been better to let Johnny maul me to death.

"I want… I want to feel like someone loves me too."

"Bea." She tried, feeling as if she had over stepped a boundary. I felt as if she had over stepped it too.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Bea," said in a way that said maybe I was being childish. And maybe I was, but at this point I didn't care. I was backed into a corner and desperately trying to get out.

"Rebecca," I shot back. She sighed.

"Let's clean you up," she finally gave in, reluctantly, but I was fine with that.

"But who is it? The one who did this to you," Darren wondered.

"Johnny," Rebecca sneered loud enough for everyone to hear with an eye roll as if to say, "She's lost her mind." I noticed Evra visibly tense when she said who had caused all this. Who knows? Maybe this was good for me.

"Beautiful…" Evra said, uncertainty lined his voice.

"Don't worry, Evra. I told you. I'll be careful," I assured him. Thinking about that night, of course, caused memories of our second kiss to bubble up.

"Case you're doing _such_ a great job being careful," Rebecca muttered sarcastically. A lump rose in my throat, but, as I mentioned before, I've never cried and I wasn't going to start now. Johnny may not have been the love of my life, but he was still something to cling to. A distraction.

~:~:~

"Did you mean what you said?" Evra asked me when we were alone backstage maybe 10 minutes before we opened up for viewers.

"What?" I said, fiddling with the curtains.

"That Johnny makes you feel the way you do."

"I think. Why?"

"I care for you. A lot. Too much to see you hurt and – "

"Evra…."

"I worry."

"You're sweet."

"You're amazing." My head snapped up from the ropes I was tightening.

"Lie to me," I said.

"But you _are_. You're smart and talented and a great person, and I don't want you to lose that just because someone wanted you to change or hurt you."

"The show's about to start," I said desperately trying to change the subject.

"How long do you plan to avoid this?"

"How long do you plan to persist?" I countered, more guarded than I've ever been, and with the person I should've been the least guarded with. He sighed, and I looked at my feet and my hair flopped into my face. Great I just pissed off the only person I've ever truly loved. This time when he came toward me, he didn't brush the hair out of my face instead he walked by me, and even after was gone I stood there in bitter silence in the dim light of backstage.


	5. Right Here and Now

"There's no need to be catty about it, Merla," Evra chided. Two months from the backstage talk and 2 ½ since Merla and Evra started dating, Merla was starting to crack under the pressure of having to be nice to everyone. Other cirque members knew she could be rude, but lately she seemed bitchy around them which meant hell when it was just Rebecca and me. Strain between Evra and Merla was evident. Evra had moved on from that night and the moment backstage while it continued to slowly eat away at me. He went on cheerful as always, but now he appeared to be at wit's end.

Sometime around mid-morning Evra came around to finally telling me what the root of his relationship with Merla was. When he told me I honestly couldn't believe it.

"Sex?" I stood in a field with him off to the side of where the cirque stood set up. I'm sure if he could have blushed he would have.

"I don't know. We fool around, but I just _can't_." I cringed. I was never particularly interested in knowing what they did behind closed doors.

"You don't know what's wrong or you don't know what to do."

"I don't know what's wrong."

"_Oh_." I knew what was wrong. I smirked. I was satisfied knowing Merla wasn't able to satisfy a male's needs in a way where I had been well educated – excluding sex of course.

"It's not funny."

"Don't worry. Lots of guys aren't aroused by their girlfriends."

"Shut up," he mumbled.

"Come on. I can help." I led him into a grassy little meadow in the forest.

"Now," I began, "Close your eyes and imagine I'm Merla."

"Can you just be you. I won't be able to picture you as anything but you."

"Why 'cause I'm _so_ amazing," I said sarcastically with a bit of a laugh.

"Yeah. You are," he said in a tone of voice that surprised me. It always threw me for a loop whenever he complimented me on something.

"Imagine me as whoever if it helps," I said flustered, "Now trust me." I stepped closer and took his hand settling us on the ground, him sitting in front of me before I kissed him square on the mouth. I leaned in, and he leaned in too. I parted my lips, and he put his tongue in my mouth. I put my hands in his hair, and our tongues began the battle for dominance, pushing and shoving, swirling and mixing. My god this boy made me hot. His tongue ran over mine, I moaned, and we lost it. We broke apart to gasp for air and once he had a god breath, he started in on my neck. I hadn't expected this, but I wasn't about to object. '_I love you. I love you. __**So**__ much,_' I repeated in my head. I moaned loudly. I was starting to lean back, supporting myself with one hand, the other firmly tangled in his hair and pressing his head lightly to urge him on. He bit down lightly and I gasped. My back was firmly on the ground now, Evra between my legs and his hand tugging on one of the two ties that kept my shirt on. I arched my back to make it easier and felt the tie on my back come loose, still I was covered, but it was enough to let the fabric loosen up on its tight hold so that anyone could have reached underneath as Evra did. He may have been having issues with Merla, but at that moment as the tips of his fingers grazed my ribs, I could feel in my thigh he wasn't having any problems. But as he grazed my ribs I let out a mix between a gasp and a giggle – I was ticklish in some spots – and it was like some hormonal induced haze was yanked from over us. Breathing heavily as he hovered over me, he looked into my eyes, and I looked into his as we shared a moment of 'What-just-happened' and 'I-can't-believe-we-did-that", however elated about it I was.

"Sorry," he breathed. I nodded. He sat back, I sat up. He made his way around me tied my shirt before running the back of his fingers along my spine. Shuddering, I leaned back involuntarily, his arousal still prominent but slowly fading. He cradled me from the side, his arm under my wings and his head resting on mine and my face buried in the crook of his neck.

"What are we doing?" I wanted to know. That moment was like the first time we kissed, out of control and fueled by emotion rather than logic. He shrugged.

"I really like you, Evra. A lot."

"I like you too. But it's complicated."

"'Cause you like Merla too."

"Mm-hm. I want to be with you, but I don't –"

"I know. I get it. That's why I have Johnny."

"Oh my god."

"I think I can get him to commit."

"Beautiful…"

"I can do it. Then we'll both be happy."

"You won't be."

"Are you happy?"

"What if I am?"

"Then I am." Silence. "I have a confession."

"What?"

"This was also for my personal gain. I can't have it both ways, so I was waiting for an opportunity."

"To prove something?" The faintest hint of affliction catching in his voice.

"More to say – not necessarily goodbye but – I give up."

"Give up?" He sounded hurt. I nodded. He sighed but not like the other times, more along the lines of frustrated.

"You're mad at me," I stated.

"A little bit."

"For what?"

"I don't know. It's just… I know this decision makes perfect sense, but I don't want you to go to Johnny. He's not right for you."

"What you're jealous now?"

"Yes," he admitted smiling slightly.

"But you know that it'd be pointless for me to wait around."

"Maybe not."

"I can't do that, Evra. I really like you, but I won't stand off to the side and watch you be with someone else and not try to move on and watch you live your life with someone else while I'm unhappy because you want it both ways."

"Just right now?"

"What?"

"Let me have you for just right now."

"It doesn't have to be just right now. Evra…" I didn't finish because he kissed me, and we kept kissing and touching until we felt it was time to go.

~:~:~

"Sparky, you know how I feel about commitment."

"I know, but I think it could work." I was trying to convince Johnny that committing to a girlfriend wasn't such a bad thing.

"Suppose I did commit. Who would it be to?" I was regretting not just coming out with it. He knew the answer yet wanted me to admit to it anyway.

"Me."

"You?"

"Why not me? I like you, you like me, so I thought 'Why not give it a shot?'"

"Hmmm. Alright why not?" It was that simple? He grabbed my hand and we walked out of his tent. We laced out fingers and walked to the bonfire where everyone was having dinner. Merla, looking bored/annoyed, took an interest in our joined hands, as did Darren, Rebecca, and finally Evra. He looked at me then looked away, could I blame him? But it wasn't my fault a mutual attraction was going to go on ignored. I looked at Rebecca, who raised an eyebrow, and mouthed, "He did it." Her eyes widened as I took a seat next to her.

"Nuh-uh," she said lowly.

"Uh-huh," I said back.

"Are you 100% sure _this_ is what you want?"

"I've got no other choices."

"But Evra – "

"Made his decision," I finished, "He wants Merla. He made that much clear to me."

"I want an explanation."

"Later at our tent."


End file.
